Fluffy Mail!!!!

I am so excited. I found a great webpage that sells cloth diapers pretty cheaply, and I had a coupon code which made them even cheaper. I am so excited to get them washed and ready for baby. The ones that I got in the mail today are pocket type diapers, meaning the microfiber inserts that absorb the pee and poop actually go in a pocket sewn into the diaper. The inserts come out in the wash and get clean. I got some really cute diapers and I just had to share!

Thanks for indulging me in my craziness.

Amanda

29 Weeks

So far the weeks seem to be flying by for me. At the beginning each week seemed to take forever, now it seems like every week is getting shorter and shorter. I can't believe we are already at 29 weeks, we have made it to the final trimester and the due date is quickly approaching. The baby's room is not ready yet and we still don't have any of her furniture. Although we do have her crib and mattress, and bedding. At least this way if she comes early she will have a place to sleep. As far as symptoms or pains there have not been much to speak of (with the exception o heartburn) and I know I have been pretty lucky. I do have problems sleeping now and I can only imagine that they are going to get worse. The only thing I keep thinking is that in these last few weeks, my body is just starting to prepare me for after the baby comes.

I did start to buy some of the cloth diapers and I am so excited for my "fluffy" mail to arrive. I still need many more, and I am sure as the due date gets closer I will be purchasing many more. I really want to have everything ready and washed before the beginning of January. My thought process is that any time after 36 weeks is considered full term, which means anytime after Jan. 6 is game on! I want her to arrive right on time for her, but hopefully not to early. She is getting so much stronger and I am sure so much more cramped in my belly. Her kicks are getting so much stronger and she is even able to move things off of my belly now with her movements. I don't know what type of gymnastics she is doing in there but she can move from my ribs all the way down to my groin at the same time. We just keep praying that she will be strong and healthy, and that we will be as ready as possible for her arrival.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Amanda

WOW 24 weeks Already!?

It has gone by so fast and I can't believe that I am so far behind in my updates. UGH! It seems like just yesterday we were so excited to be hitting our twelve week mark, and now we have essentially hit another twelve week mark. It seems so unreal! Since my last post we have found out that we are having a GIRL, we thought that the baby was possibly going to have clubbed feet, and found out today that her feet are fine. Praise GOD. We had a lot of people praying that the baby would be fine, and by the looks of the ultrasound today her feet look fine. Although the ultrasound tech did comment on how large her feet looked. Surprising? No. Have you met James aka size 16/17 shoe? I am thinking that means we are going to have a tall girl when she gets big.

She has been moving around a lot lately and until this past Sunday James was not able to feel her little kicks. Every time she was moving around, he would place his hand on my belly and she would stop moving. I kept telling him that she was just being shy, but as of Sunday she must have come out of her shell. Now it seems like every time he talks to my belly or is even around me she is moving non stop. She actually kicked James in the head yesterday. It was the funniest thing I have seen so far with this little one. We both started to laugh so hard, I almost wet my pants. That seems to be an easy thing for me to do lately. I know there is less room in my belly and she is growing right on track. At the ultrasound today she was measuring at a pound and a half. That explains a pound and a half of my weight gain, but what about the rest? I am actually doing well, but I do have to be careful not to pig out because of the baby. Fortunately I have not had any midnight cavings, just midnight potty breaks.

As for James and I, we have been busy getting the house in order. We still have so far to go, and we are running out of time. We have the "man cave" almost complete, and once that is all done we can finish the baby's room. Then it is on the the rest of the house. We have to get new doors installed and preferably before the baby comes home. There have been a lot of changes going on at our house and it is all really exciting, but at the same time I am very nervous. I look at all the things on to the "to do" list and I get very overwhelmed. Every time I think we are getting ahead I look at all the work to be done and I feel like a hamster running on a wheel. I am sure I am not the only person who feels this way.

James and I have also decided to do cloth diapers for our little girl. I have done a lot of research and James and I have decided that this is what we want to do. I know there are people who think we are nuts, and we get those funny looks sometimes when we tell people. But we are committed to doing this and we feel very confidant that this will be the best thing for us and baby. The best part of cloth diapers is all of the money you save, and you have a much lower rate of diaper rash. We have also decided to take a spin at making our own baby food when we get to that part. I would like to breastfeed as long as possible, so now investing in a good quality pump is going to be essential. Hopefully we have the whole going back to work thing figured out, but we just keep praying that the plan will actually be the plan when the baby comes. I think that about catches us up from the last post. I am sure I have missed some things but there will be many more to update.

Thank you for the continued prayers.

Amanda

12 Weeks Today

Today marks the 12 week mark for us!!! We are so excited to have made it this far. It seems like it was not that long ago that we began everything, but at the same time the weeks seem to move so very slowly. I have been very fortunate as to not have any morning sickness really to speak of. At least no throwing up, which is amazing for me because I used to throw up all the time when I was little. I remember being so excited about having mac and cheese for dinner one night, that later that night I got to relive it coming back up. I aways had a nervous stomach and pretty much anything could trigger it. At least little Almond didn't make me sick. I did get some stomach aches at night, but overall they were not to bad. The one symptom that I am really hoping will get better in the next week or two, is the constant fatigue. It is really taking a toll on me, and I am looking forward to it getting a little better. I have already started to notice that sometimes at night I am getting lower back pains, and I have a feeling a pregnancy pillow is in my near future. So much for snuggling up with James! I don't think my belly is really to much bigger, but it sure looks huge after I eat anything. I think it is all just bloating right now, but I have had a few people notice my "baby bump."

The reality of the baby has not fully sunk in and I am not sure when that will actually happen. We have been working on a budget for Almond and we are in prayer about some major life decisions once Almond arrives. I know that God has an amazing plan for us, and we are being patient and waiting for Him to reveal parts of the plan to us. At the same time we are starting to look for a new - used car that is a little more family and dog friendly. James and I have been doing really well and I am excited for one more week of trimester one. I am ready for trimester two!

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Love,

Amanda

A Year Ago. . .

I know most people take time around Jan 1st to reflect on the past year, and take stock of what has changed and what they would like to change. I on the other hand don't normally follow the rules so I have decided to take time now, in the middle of July to take stock of my previous year.

Well this time last year James and I were just getting back from a trip to Tennessee. It was our big summer vacation that we had planned, and a few days before we were to leave James was let go from his job in Livonia. It was a tense time for us, and we didn't really know what to expect, but we had everything all set for the trip, so we decided that this job situation was not going to keep us home. I was so glad that we went, and when we returned home it didn't take to long for James to find a new job. He started the new job right after Labor day, which was great because that allowed us to take a trip to NY to see our good friends who had moved. Fast forward a few months and James's job was not going so well, and everyday he would come home so discouraged. I don't think I was very supportive for him during that time, but fortunately God provided a new job for James. We went to SC to visit with James' mom after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and before James started the new job. In the time in between the trips I had made a few doctors appointments and we had decided to start the IVF journey. When we went to visit Carol, we had decided to tell them and then tell my parents what our plan was. We were so blessed with the out pouring of support from both families that it made it so much easier to go through everything.

We made it through everything, and when the positive news was told we were again so blessed by the excitement of everyone. We get update calls from Chris and Carol, and my parents are always asking how things are going. We have made it to 9 weeks, and I will be officially 10 weeks on Tuesday. It seems like every week takes forever to pass, but then I look back on how we are doing and I can't believe how fast it has gone bye. The best part about hitting the 10 week mark is that I am officially done with all of the shots, and yucky meds. I now will only have to take my vitamin. Whoo-Hoo!

I have been feeling really good for the most part, just tired most of the time. I think James is getting bored, and he is the one that likes to stay home all the time. I also have to get up to go to the bathroom almost every night. I get very excited when I get to sleep the whole night through. I guess I am just preparing for when little Almond comes into the world, with the 2am bathroom breaks, that will undoubtedly turn into 2am feedings. I am very blessed that I have not had any major morning sickness, the only thing I notice is that if I don't eat I will get nauseous or that if I eat to much I get nauseous. Other than that I am doing very well.

James and I are coming to the point where we are going to have to make some decisions. I don't know what lays in store for us, but I am excited to see what God has planned for us. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but we have yet to decide if this will be a possibility.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, and I will do a better job of posting updates.

Amanda

Table for Three

So today I am considered 5weeks and 5 days. I know it is still early, but we had some reassurance today. We had an ultrasound and were able to see the gestational sac, and it was in the correct place! So all the worries of an etopic pregnancy were alleviated, and I was graduated from the RE's office, it was a big day for us. We did however find out that only one of the embryos survived, and as blessed that we are to know we are having a baby after only one IVF cycle, it is still hard to come to terms with the fact that we essentially lost one of the babies. I know that it is God's plan for us to have one baby, and in a way I am relieved to know we will only have to provide for one baby. So with mixed emotions I do have to say that it was an amazing thing to be able to see little Almond all sung inside of my belly. I am excited for all of the symptoms to come, yes even the bad ones. It is a funny thing to want to experience all of the bad symptoms, and I know all you mom's out there are probably thinking I am nuts, but I don't want to miss anything. I want to experience everything and know that we are progressing just as we should be. I know that if I have horrible morning sickness I will be complaining like a baby, and poor James will be loosing his mind. So far all of my symptoms have been pretty mild and not really intrusive into my daily schedule. The only thing that is really hard for me, is how tired I have been. I even had to leave the mall today because I just wanted to go home and take a nap. That is saying a lot for me!

I follow up with my regular OB in about a week and a half, and hopefully I will have more to update. Thank you everyone for your prayers they really mean a lot to us!

Amanda

The Results are In

Well after a long night of not much sleep, I am happy to announce that the test came back positive!!! James and I are going to be parents. I went in for my test this morning at 8am, and my boss was so nice to let me take another day off. I really didn't want to be at my office and find out the results there. It didn't take long for the doctor's office to call me, and give me the good news. I know it is really early in the pregnancy and a lot of things could happen, but I am so excited that the test was positive. A positive test is the first step! My HcG levels were 191 today, and the office said anything over 100 was really good. I have to go back on Thursday to have them checked again. They like to see them double every 48-72 hours, and I am hoping that they just continue to go up. Once the levels are above 2,000 we can have our first ultrasound. Depending on the timing we will hopefully be able to hear a heart beat that day. As of now we do not know if we will be expecting twins or not, but I am hoping that both Almond and Pistachio are hanging in there and are growing big and strong.

Well I think that is it. That really is enough news for one day! Please continue to pray for me and the babies.

Thank you,

Amanda

Crazy Days

This week has been a trip. I don't think I have been having any noticeable symptoms, but the last two days I was a mess. It all started Wednesday when I stopped to get ice cream after church. I tired to call James a few times and he wasn't answering, I got my ice cream and some for him and was on my way home. By the time I got home the ice cream had started to melt and some had spilled all over my pants. Then James asked where I was and why I didn't answer my phone. I thought I was going to explode, I started to yell and slammed the door. I totally realized that I was being crazy and after a few minutes and some ice cream I was back on Earth. I apologized to James and that started a whole discussion that lead to a lot of tears and another minor freak out on my part. Poor James and no idea what was happening and I didn't either. I have no rational explanation for my actions and I actually felt totally out of control.

Now turn to Thursday. We had a softball game last night, and of course James and I were running late to the game. I completely misplaced all of my softball info and had no idea where I was supposed to be or what field. Then we had to stop and get money to pay the umpire. We made it to the field just a few minutes before game time. Two of my players were in jeopardy of not being able to play and the umpire was giving me a hard time for not having everyone on the field to play in time. I think I snapped at the umpire but I am hoping that I wasn't to awful to him. By the time to game actually stated I was sobbing like a baby. Why? I have no idea! I was more mad than anything but instead of it spewing out anger like Wednesday, it all came flooding out like a little kid who doesn't get their way.

Before we left for the game on Thursday I noticed that I had some light spotting. It really freaked me out so of course I started to Google my brains out. That is why we were running late to the game. Most of the info that I was able to gather was a mixed bag of good and not so good signs. Who really knows. The only thing that I can say from all of my Googling is that no two people have the same issues. I did read on a lot of sites that some spotting is totally normal, but you have to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't become heavier. I have not called the doctors office, and really don't plan to. I figure at this point there really isn't anything they can do. I already have an appointment for Tuesday morning, so I just have to hang on until then. We have a busy weekend planned so I am hoping that will keep my mind busy.

James and I have decided to not take any home pregnancy tests before the blood work on Tuesday. We figured that the test might not be accurate and we don't want to get a false positive or a false negative. It is torture waiting, and more than anything I want to test to know what is going on. I am so close to Tuesday, just a few more days!

Amanda

No News is Good News

There has not been much going on at our house lately. I survived the bed rest and healed from the retrieval, the healing took longer than I thought but it wasn't to bad. I even got to get out of the house over the weekend. James too me on a date Saturday night and we had the Parkinson Walk on Sunday. It was nice to be out and about. I went back to work today and it was really weird being back. I know I wasn't gone for to long but I realized how much I like being at home when I was back today. I am hoping that I can be a stay at home mom, or at least a part time stay at home mom. I don't know if that will be in the cards for us, but it is something I really would like to do. And hey if we do have twins, it might be my only option! I haven't really been feeling anything and I don't know if that is really good or bad. I asked what I should expect and the nurse just kind of looked at me and said "you will over analyze everything you feel, so don't worry about it." I guess she was right.

I have to say this whole process up to know has actually not been too bad. The egg retrieval was the worst, but on a scale on one to ten it would be a 7. Even the big guns for the progesterone in oil shots we do are not to bad. I am still so amazed at how everything comes together. Both on the doctors end with timing everything, and on my end with just having a routine down now. I don't even really think about the shots anymore. Nine o'clock rolls around and I start to rock out the heating pad on my butt and get meds together. They say if you hold it in your hand for a bit before you give the shot it will help the oil to thin out a little. I have noticed that if my leg is not quite right then it hurts more, but even that isn't to bad. I did learn very quickly that the heating pad is helpful before the meds to warm up your muscle, but DO NOT use it after you give the shot. Man my butt hurt so bad for two days, I quickly learned that heat after the fact probably was not a great idea and since have stopped using the heating pad and it has been much better. I still have purple circles on my butt, just so James knows exactly where to inject. Sometimes he will make them look like alien faces or something. Whatever it takes to get me to laugh!

I had a blood test today to make sure my hormone levels were rising correctly and everything looked good. We have to wait until Tuesday June 1st for the pregnancy test, and I am really not a good waiter. I am not good at waiting for anything, I get very impatient and frustrated. Fortunately for me we have a very busy week which will help to keep me occupied. I am ready to find out how everything is going. James and I have been praying for the babies everyday and we talk to them. I know it is all for our benefit, but it is kind of fun to talk to Almond and Pistachio. James will rub my belly and say "hello babies, grow big and strong." It is just so sweet. We ask God to bless us with babies and I know that it will all come on his time. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but I also don't want to let this precious time go by and regret it later. You can't add love after the fact, even if our babies are not meant to stay with us they will know they were loved. Sometimes my mind starts to go into "worst case scenario mode," and I have to remind myself that I have done everything I can do, and it is all up to God. He is the master planner and who am I to mess with the Master.

I want to thank everyone who has followed along on our journey. I can not tell you how much it means to us, it is an awesome thing to have such a great support system! Thank you for your continued prayers, they mean the world to us!

Love,

Amanda

Knocked Up

Well I guess you could say I am officially knocked up! It is kind of a weird thing to go into the office not pregnant and leave with two tiny babies in your belly. I am on bed rest and while the thought of it sounds great, I am actually getting pretty uncomfortable and bored. I really would like to go for a walk or something, but I am so afraid of doing anything to the babies that I have resigned to staying on my couch.

Here are some photos of our little ones.

We have lovingly decided to call them Almond and Pistachio. I know it is silly and those will not be their birth names but it is a fun thing and way better than peanut 1 and 2. I don't feel any different and I don't really expect to, but the nurse said that I would read into everything. I am hoping that I don't do that, as I have a tendency to drive myself crazy with things. It will take about 5-6 days for the little ones to decide to stick, until then they are free floating. Please keep us in your prayers.

Love,

Amanda

Today is Transfer Day!

We got the call yesterday and today is the big day. We go in for our transfer today, and then bed rest for a day or two. I am not quite sure how everything will go, but we did to a trial transfer so I know the process. I think it is going to be hard to stay on bed rest for a few days, but I have a lot of movies and James will be home today and tomorrow with me. I am so blessed to have him home with me. I am all ready for what is coming and we just keep praying that God will grow our little guys big and strong. We have two embryos to transfer today, and yesterday one was at 2 cells, and the other was at 4 cells. I hope that they have continued to grow over the night, and I hope that they will be super sticky after the transfer. I am a little nervous, but so excited. The hardest thing is knowing that this is the last step and then there is nothing that I can do. There are just alternating days of shots and gel, and a lot of waiting. I better go and get ready. We have to be there at 11a, and we should have our transfer around 12p.

Thank you for your prayers!!

Amanda

We Got the Call

This morning has been like any other morning except for the fact that it isn't. James was able to stay home with me, which is amazing. I had a lot of pain last night and where we did the Progesterone in Oil shot yesterday my butt is really sore. I was surprised that it didn't hurt when we did the injection, but little did I know that it would hurt hours later. I had a hard time sleeping last night. Either my stomach was cramping or my butt/hip would hurt when I moved. I must have been anxious last night because I think I woke up about 100 times to see what time it was.

When I woke up this morning I had a hard time getting out of bed, and going to the bathroom. It hurt to do pretty much anything that involved moving. I am starting to feel better and the pain meds are really helping. I was waiting all morning for the call from the office to let me know how our little guys did overnight, and we had success!!!! From the three eggs they retrieved, two of them were mature. They had to ICSI both of them, (which basically means they injected the sperm into the egg), and both eggs fertilized. I was so excited after I hung up the phone that I actually ventured outside to tell James the news. I started to cry, and I didn't know what was going through my mind. There was a flood of emotions, thankfulness, worry, nervousness, excitement, and pure joy! James and I have two little babies growing! I will find out tomorrow when they will be transfered back to me. It will either be Wednesday or Friday depending on how they are growing. Please pray that they will continue to grow and that they will stick on transfer day.

Thank you,

Amanda

Retrieval Day

Today was a big day! I had my egg retrieval day today, and didn't quite know what to expect. We had to be there at 11:15a, but I always run late, so I told James we needed to be there at 11a. That was a good plan but I was a little freaked today so we were very early. We got there at 10:45a, so we waited for a bit in the waiting room. We brought magazines with us, and took some photos just to remember the day.

The nurse took us into one of the exam rooms, all of the pre op/post op rooms were full. I was not the only one having a retrieval today, which made me feel better. There were actually 7 of us scheduled for today.

Here I am in my sexy gown.

The nurse did the IV and that sucks.That has to be one of the worst things ever. She couldn't get it to go in the first time, so that means we had to try again. Yuck! The second time was a charm and I actually did pretty good with the IV. I didn't have a panic attack this time. YAY! They took me back into the pre op room and we waited for a little longer. Then come the fun part. They took me into the procedure room and strapped me all in. They gave me some funny gas, which made the room spin and then I was in dream land. When I woke up all was done, and I was really tired. I also had to pee really bad, but I was so out of it that I couldn't even get out of the bed. When I finally was feeling more like myself they let me go to the bathroom. I don't think I have ever moved so slow in my whole life. Each step seemed to take forever. I had a lot of bleeding from the procedure, which is normal, but I think it freaked James out a bit. I had a lot of cramping from everything and they gave me some pain meds, it helped a little but I was still hurting.

James helped me to the car, and I slept all the way to Panera. We decided to go there for lunch, and it was a good choice. I was a zombie in the restaurant, and actually feel asleep in the car on the way home. James took such great care of me today.

I found out that they were able to retrieve 3 eggs. They said that was good for me, but I was hoping there would be more. Hopefully all three will fertilize and we can implant two. We should be having our transfer either on Wednesday of Friday. I am taking tomorrow off to rest and recover, but I am out of the zombie land! I feel a little weird knowing that at this moment my eggs are meeting James sperm and by tomorrow we could be growing little babies. It is so exciting and a little nerve racking. I pray that God will watch over our little guys and help to make them grow strong.

Please pray for our little ones and for my pain to go away.

Amanda

Time to Pull the Trigger

So yesterday was an eventful day. I had another fun ultrasound and blood draw, and then a long wait for a phone call. Work was pretty slow on Friday so it was really hard to keep my mind busy. I was concerned about when we would trigger. I had one really big follicle and a few smaller ones. The ultrasound tech was not sure if they would trigger me yesterday or today, and I was concerned that I was not progressing the way I should. Well the office called yesterday afternoon and said that I was ready to go. I then almost had a heart attack when I received my instructions. I found out that I needed two doses of Ovidrel and the pharmacy only gave me one. I asked the nurse and she told me that was "unfortunate", and I thought the world was going to end. I got off the phone and ran, literally ran up to the pharmacy. I was freaking out, and was for sure that I was going to mess all of this up. Fortunately for me the Pharmacy had the meds in stock and were able to fill it before I left work. I was so blessed!!

So James and I were told to do the trigger shot at 11:45p. It had to be right on time, so I of course fell asleep and James kindly woke me up around 11:30p. Waiting for 15 mins to do the shots seemed like forever, I can only imagine how the next 14-16 days are going to go. I must be getting good at the whole shot thing because they didn't hurt at all. I had to go for one last blood test this morning to make sure my hormone levels were in the right range. My levels must have been good because I didn't get a call this afternoon. I received my final instructions for tomorrow and the following days, and then the nerves set in. I left the doctors office with this great high, it was a mix of excitement and wonder. Then through the day it turned into nervousness and excitement, and a little bit of worry. I am not worried about results, I am worried about getting an IV tomorrow. Last time I had an IV I had a panic attack. I really hope that doesn't happen tomorrow, I can't imagine that would be a good thing. So tomorrow is the first big day for us. I am excited and anxious and a bunch of other emotions. When I think about all that we have been through up to this point it almost freaks me out to think we are nearing the end. All of the shots and IVF talk have become a normal routine for me. I guess that I don't have to miss the shots to much, as the big guns come out tomorrow. That is a whole other animal.

Please say a prayer for us for tomorrow, and thank you!

Amanda

Hope

I love it when you can look at something in your life and you just know that God is speaking to you. I know that God is always working in our lives, but it seems like we get busy with life and forget to stop and listen. In the past week two wonderful women have passed along the same verse to me. Both were under different circumstances, but the message is the same, HOPE.

Romans 5:3-5……"rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit whom He has given to us."

Sometimes it is hard for me to look at something I want but can not have, or when something less than desirable happens to me and not get discouraged. It is easy to get mad or think why me, but rarely do I stop and think what am I supposed to be learning, and do I have a thankful heart? God allows us to face struggles for many reasons, but they all have a much greater purpose, God wants to use us. Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

God is always trying to teach us and help us to grow. He has a great plan for us, and all the things we have to go trough just help to mold us into the person we need to be, in order to accomplish God's plan for us.

James and I are excited for the week ahead, as we should be getting down to the nitty gritty. I am learning to be thankful for all of my circumstances, and I know that God is working on me. I have Hope in what is to come, and I am working on my Hope not being tied to my circumstance.

I want to thank all of you who are praying for us!
Amanda

Getting Close Now

The Tiger's game was super fun, but James and I had to have looked like junkies. We had to do my meds at the game, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to have the syringes and needles with me in the park, and I didn't want to have to leave. So leave it to James and I to go into the stairwell and do them there. It actually wasn't that bad, and we only had one person question what we were doing.

We we are getting close now. I am so anxious to get to the next part and a little unsure of what to expect. Hopefully if everything is good tomorrow we can do our trigger shot tomorrow night. Then we will have our retrieval day on Sunday. I have been so blessed through everything. I have not noticed any really bad side effects, and I think I was able to avoid the Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome, YAY! I was really worried about that. I will post more tomorrow and let everyone know what our game plan is. Hopefully we will have a plan.

Thanks for your prayers.

Amanda

P.S. I think I was able to fix the comments so it is easier to post. I don't know if anyone has really tried but check it out.

Adaptability

I always thought of myself as pretty adaptable, easy going, and able to adjust to unscheduled events. James on the other hand thinks that I am nuts, and he is probably right. One of the biggest things I have learned through this whole thing is that I really don't like surprises, unless I know for sure they will be good. I like surprise parties, and especially surprise gifts, but I do not like not knowing what is going to happen or when something is going to happen. Every day or two I have to stop at the doctors office on my way into work for more labs, and more super fun ultrasounds. Each day they check my estradiol levels and the growth of my follies, well today I have potentially 8 that they can try to make embryos from. This is good news for me, especially when a few days ago I was convinced there would only be one. So after I am done at the office I continue my way into work. Then my day goes like this, try to stay really busy to pass the time before the office calls. I really don't like to wait for anything (this I did know about myself). Then eat lunch, wonder if they are going to call and then back to busy work. Well today they didn't call, and I waited and waited. I was getting really worried that something had happened and they just didn't want to tell me. I waited until 3pm and finally broke down and called their office. Silly me, I was not thinking that this is the start of the IVF week and they are super busy. Turns out they just had not read my test yet. So about 30 min later the office calls to say everything looks good. Then I start in with the questions. I am not very good about asking questions when it comes to my doctors, so this was a big deal. I wanted to know everything. Were my levels good, is everything progressing the way it should, when will they tell me to do the trigger shot . . . ? The poor nurse probably thought I was nuts, why would I not ask these questions before? So anyway everything looks really good. They are not concerned that my estradiol number didn't jump very high compared to before, and my meds will stay the same. I hopefully will continue to have my follies grow, and I actually get a day off. I get to go back in on Wednesday and we will see how I am progressing. The way it looks now, I will either trigger on Wednesday or Thursday. Which means that retrieval day will either be Friday or Saturday. This is good news for me and for James. If we go on Saturday he will not have to take a day off work, which is good because he has only been at his job for a little while. Also, I don't have to worry about how I am going to be feeling after the retrieval, so I don't have to worry about missing much work. The whole process is going fine from what I can tell. I have been doing a lot of reading to see how other women have been doing as they go through this, and from what I can tell I am pretty much on par. I don't really get stressed about any of it, but waiting and not know the progression of things is really a growing experience for me. I guess you never stop learning or growing. Hopefully when we are all done with this James will be able to say that I am adaptable. Well . . . probably not, but maybe a bit more that I was before!
For James and I we are off to the Tigers game with my Mom and Dad. I have to find a way to bring all of meds into the park without getting in trouble. Hopefully they won't say anything about them. It will be an experience to do them at the game, but hey I am just learning to be more adaptable!

Thanks for your prayers!

Updates, and Emotions

I have been very emotional today. I think all the meds, the constant blood work and ultrasounds are finally catching up to me. My poor arms look like I have been shooting up, and I guess you could say I have been doing the exact opposite. The nurse said it is from taking a baby aspirin everyday, and from having a blood draw every day or two. I also have a huge bruise on my belly from the injections last night, it is so big that James thought that I had spilled ink on my belly. I had an ultrasound and blood work today, and I guess everything is going well. I have 25 follies on my right side and one is 10.5mm while the rest are still less than 8mm. I have 30 follies on my left side but all of them are less than 8mm. I don't really know if that is good, bad, or normal. The nurse didn't seem to concerned today when I talked with her, I just hope we have more that decide to blossom. I know it only takes one embryo, but I guess I would like to have the option of more than one developing. Our hope is that I can produce enough eggs, and we can create enough embryos that we will not have to do the stim meds again when we want to have more kids, or if we have to try again. I would perfer to not have to do the stim meds again, they really are not a lot of fun. Although it is funny how you make all the shots just another part of your day. I don't even really think about it anymore. 8:45p rolls around, and everything in our house stops for about 15 mins, I get all my meds together and James is ready to inject.

I seemed to really be in a funk today. I was having a hard time getting baseball tickets, and that just kind of pushed me over the edge. I was ruined for the rest of the day, and it was over something so stupid. It seemed like no matter what I did I couldn't get myself to go past the ticket mix-up. Then all of the doubt started to kick in. I started to question if we were doing the right thing, if I was progressing the way I should, what would happen if . . .. My mind was a mess today. I always say that I have so much fun in my head, but today just was not a fun day. I fortunately have a wonderful husband who altered our plans for the evening so I could curl up into a ball and just relax on the couch. He even stopped at the store to pick up a wonderful dose of chocolate cake. I think you can fix almost anything with chocolate cake. I think that was just what I needed. I spent some time with James and we had a nice long talk. I really feel better about everything, and I am excited to go for my blood work and ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully they will have more news about my follies tomorrow, and we can move closer to a retrieval date.

I did come across a great scripture verse today, as I was searching to see if I was in the normal zone, and I just know that God put that in front of my eyes today.

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
Habakkuk 2:3

What a great reminder of who is really in control.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

At Home Pharmacy

I have been doing well with all of my injections, but my poor belly is starting to look like swiss cheese. I have so many red dots all over, and now that we are doing two injections a day we have been using both sides of my belly. We alternate the side everyday for each med, but it is one injection on each side every day. I thought that I would post some photos of all of the meds just in case you wanted to know.

This is the Lupron 5 units every day

This is the syringe/needle for the Stim meds

Here are all the stim meds lined up and ready to be drawn up

This is everything before we get started

So far I haven't had any noticeable side effects, and I am so glad. I did have a mood swing moment this morning, but I will chalk that up to running late, and dogs that would not listen. I have had a headache that I can not shake and I am afraid to take anything for it. I will just wait it out, it has to go away eventually right?

I had an appointment this morning to check all of my levels and so far so good. My estradiol level was 200, and I have 25 follicles on each ovary that are measuring less than 8mm right now. The nurse said everything looks good but because of my PCOS (poly cystic ovaries) they want me to come back in tomorrow for another check. I am really hoping that this does not become an everyday visit. I really like the office and their staff, but I would like to only visit every few days. My boss has been very understanding, and really good about all of the doctor visits. I just hope that this try will be successful so we don't have to go through all of this again. I am missing a lot of work, and we haven't even gotten to the retrieval or transfer day yet. I just realized this week that I am scheduled for the IVF week starting next Wednesday the 12th. That kind of freaked me out a little bit. It is funny how you wait so long for a day to come, and then all of a sudden it is only a few days away and your nervous. I am scheduled for the May IVF, which means that anytime between the May 12th and 19th I will be having my retrieval and then 3 to 5 days later they will do the transfer. I can't wait!

Thank you to everyone who is praying for us, I can not imagine how this would be without all the support.

Love and prayers,

Amanda

Lazy Sundays

So at the Clouse house we used to have a tradition that we fondly called "Lazy Sunday." It was great, we would go to Saturday night church, sleep in on Sunday morning, make coffee, and either James would make breakfast or we would order in from our favorite restaurant. We would lounge around all day and do anything we wanted. Most of the time we would watch movies, or catch up on our DVR. Sometimes I would read a magazine, and James would play video games, it was pretty much an anything goes type of day. We would get ready for our day around 4pm because we had the Jr. High kids coming over, and after they left we would continue our day until we went to bed. It was a total indulgence day for us. There was no working, unless we had to clean up before the kids came over, and there could be naps if necessary. It was like living in a movie, a fancy breakfast in our PJs, great coffee and a whole day with James.

Well those days are on hiatus for us. James was asked to teach one of the Sunday school classes and he loves it. He has been talking about going to Moody Bible College to get his bible degree. He has spent a lot of time praying about this and in the fall or winter he will be signing up for independent study. I am so proud of him, and will gladly put our famous "Lazy Sundays" on hold until further notice. Maybe I can talk him into Lazy Saturdays! It seems like there are a lot of changes going on at our house, and I am so excited to see where God leads. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I love to know that my God has a wonderful plan in store for James and I. I know that no matter what comes at us God will always provide a way for us. James and I have been so blessed, and we can go back to so many times where it looked so bleak for us for any different reason and we can see how God provided a way for us. So I know that while I miss my "Lazy Sunday" it is all for a wonderful reason. And I know that all of the injections, and the doctor appointments are all for a reason. God allows us trials so we can learn to rely on Him, and bring glory to Him.

God Bless,

Amanda

Injections Part Deux

Today is the next big step for James and I. I had an appointment this morning for a blood draw and ultrasound, the office called me this afternoon, and said that everything looked good. I was given the go ahead to start the stimulation meds. So now instead of just the Lupron, we do the Lupron, Bravelle, and Menopur. The Bravelle and Menopur get mixed together, and the Lupron is still on its own, for a total of two injections. I was doing really good with the Lupron and just when we were getting the hang of it, we added another one. The stim meds really hurt when we injected them today. I don't know if this is a normal thing or if I just caught a bad spot for the injection. I am excited to get this part started, but I am a little tentative about being on all of the meds. I have read horror stories about ovarian hyper stimulation, and I am praying that I don't get it, or at least that I don't get it very bad. Please pray that I don't have bad side effects from the meds.

Amanda

Seasons

I was reading a devotional the other day that was all about life seasons. It was such a perfect devotion for me that day. And it has come back into my mind today. This is a new season for James and I, and anytime you do something new you are not quite sure how to proceed. So far I have been doing really well with everything, but today was not a banner day. I know that this season will have its own share of ups and downs, and just as I learn to navigate them they will change, but such is life. I have been so tired and I am pretty sure it is from the meds, but when you are having a hard time getting to and from work it becomes a big problem. I am so tired that I am getting grumpy and super emotional. I yelled at James this morning for something that was really nothing. Then when I got home tonight I started to cry for no reason. I am just a mess today! I hope that this is not the norm and is just a reflection of my crazy busy week at work. Wishful thinking I guess.

This season has thrown some curve balls my way, but overall James and I are navigating pretty well. I like the seasons, they bring change and a new perspective. I love the fall, the colors the smells, and of course the cider mills. I love the winter for that first smell of snow, and the beauty that it brings when everything has a nice new white blanket on it. Spring is great because it brings new life, the cold goes away and the grass starts to grow. Softball begins and so does spring training! Summer of course is great, trips to the beach, picnics, long drives and just some good old pokin' around. I am sure I will come to love this season just as much as the others. I can already tell that our marriage is getting stronger. James has been so wonderful through everything. Try giving me a shot every night! I know today was just the rain storm that forces you inside on a day you have a full schedule. This to shall pass. I know that God has a wonderful plan for us, and this is just a bump. You always have to look for the upside!

Amanda

Going to the Gym for energy?

So the whole no coffee thing is going better than I thought, except that I realized that the tea I was drinking was not any better. I have switched to decaffeinated tea and I thought I was tired last week, but man today was rough! I am just so sluggish, I don't want to do anything after work, except lay on the couch. That sounds horrible when I read that. I have been doing weight watchers for about 2 months, and I am doing really good, but I need to add more exercise into my day. It is so hard when you are so tired. I know that "they" say that if you exercise you will have more energy, but what are you supposed to do when you don't have any energy to spend? I don't like feeling so tired and during the day it isn't bad, but come 630p or 7p I am so ready for bed. I think I am getting old! Fortunately for me James is a good motivator. We are going to the gym tonight and hopefully I can get a good workout going.

The shots are going fine. They still itch when we do them, but the last day or two it has only lasted for a few minutes. I have a big bruise on my belly from one of the injections and it hurts. I am excited for this Saturday. I have an appointment, and if everything looks good I can start the next set of meds. I am ready to get started and get the big boxes of meds out of my bathroom!

Well it is off to the gym for me.

Thank you everyone for your prayers,

Amanda

Cutting Back

Well I am very pleased to report that last nights injection was so much better than the previous one. Fortunately for James and myself the side effects have not started to kick in, and I so hope that they do not. The only thing I have been noticing is that I have been really tired lately. I don't think it is from the meds, but I have been falling asleep by 10pm almost every night. We do the injections at 10p and I have to fight to stay awake the last few days. I don't think that I am stressed about anything, and actually God has given me so much peace through all of this. I have read that stress and caffeine can be a hindrance to the whole process.

I really don't feel stressed but the whole not having coffee is really a killer. I put coffee right up there with oxygen, the world would not survive without coffee. I have been slowly switching over to tea, and fortunately I really do like tea so it hasn't been to bad. But let me tell you tea is NOT the same as coffee. If you come to our house you will see how much coffee plays a part in my daily life. I am not complaining about not being able to drink coffee for a while, as our goal is so much more important than a cup of coffee. I am just saying that I am missing seeing my friend in the morning. I will miss you coffee, and sometimes I will visit, but only for a short stay. Tea land here I come!!!

One Down Many, Many More to Go

Well tonight James and I had our first official injection. Man let me tell you it isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't any better either. We had a quiet time of prayer before the injection, and then we prayed together. We asked God to bless the injection and to help the medicine work as He has designed. I am confident that as we continue the injections they will get easier. And let me tell you that I sure hope they get easier. We are just dealing with the baby needles right now, I can't even think about bringing out the big guns. I was almost in tears today, man I am going to be a wreck when the big guy comes out! I don't know what a normal insulin injection fells like, but I want to scratch my belly so bad right now, and sometimes I swear that the medicine is leaking out. I know it is all in my head, but I have a wonderful imagination and can make almost anything seem real if I try hard enough.

There isn't much more to report. My class came to an end today, so I have some finals to grade, and now my Thursdays will be free for a bit. Softball starts in a couple of weeks and we will be busy again. Yes, I am going to play softball, but don't worry it will only be until my transfer date and then I will just be the coach. It is going to be really hard to not run onto the field, but I have to be safe with myself and allow that baby to stick and grow!

Thank you all for your continued prayers,

Amanda

Needles and Procedures

Well it has been an interesting few months at the Clouse house. We are currently in the process of starting IVF (in vitro fertilization). It is not quite as easy as I thought it would be. I have done all of the testing, I actually just had the last one today. Everything is all set for us to get started, and the nerves had not kicked in till yesterday. Yesterday I had to pick up all of my meds and the sheer number of them freaked me out a bit. I start the Lupron tomorrow and the needle is about the same size as a insulin needle. I know all of you diabetics are saying I am being such a baby, but coming from a girl who had to be restrained by many, many nurses any time there was a needle, this is a BIG deal. I have to take the Lupron for almost two weeks and then I get to add another needle. OUCH! If everything goes according to plan we will be having our embryo transfer by the middle of May. Which means James could end up having the best birthday gift ever. And if our test is positive, which we believe it will be it will also be the most expensive gift ever!

James and I are very blessed to have so much support around us. This is probably the hardest thing we have ever done, and knowing we have family and friends who love us makes it so much easier. We plan to keep this updated as we progress and if you want to keep up with us that would be great. The more prayers we have the better. God does amazing things and He is in control of our lives, and we WILL have a baby.

Welcome

Well I guess you could say I am officially on the blog bandwagon! I thought this might be a little easier to get updates out to everyone and that way you can leave comments and such.